Deadpool: The Movie, by Deadpool
by The lovable writer
Summary: Deadpools version of how the Deadpool movie should play out.
1. Chapter 1

_Please note: I am not Deadpool, however recently Deadpool approached me over the matter of his upcoming movie and how he'd like for someone to publish his plans. After sometime disputing the matter he planted a sword into my leg and we decided to publish his unedited plans. Enjoy. Please enjoy. He has another sword aimed at my arm._

**_Deadpool: The Movie, by Deapool, aged 42 and a half_**

**_Copyright Deadpool. And maybe 20th Century Fox. I suppose they have some input, but mostly Deadpool INC. What are FOX gonna do about it; take over a super hero movie with legal stuff! Like that'd happen!_**

O.K. We start at that giant wreckage from X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It's big and massive and it's very daunting, sort of like Megan Fox in that movie where Megan Fox is really hot, you know, the one where they have close ups of her boobs. But seriously, she's really daunting; she's like a big hot vampire

Anyway, we see that head like we saw in Wolverine, in fact this scene is exactly like that scene, so ignore that last paragraph, it's in the past, Anyway we do that seen and than we see the head, and stuff is happening, and than I show up and yell hi to the audience, at this point we have some lines of dialogue I'll write below.

I don't actually know how you should write dialogue so I'll just randomly type possible answers until I feel I have the right one, Logan tells me I should consider deleting certain lines I've written and correct stuff but what does he know, I have one movie potentially within a few years providing Ryan Reynolds stays on and doesn't move into The Green Lantern even though that might be an easier option, how many movies has Wolverine been in? That's what I thought Logan, he's looking at me a lot now, I think he's reading what I'm typing, perhaps I should do something to dissuade him. SIDEBURNS ARE SO YESTERDAY!!!!

"Hay, what's going on here than." I, that is Deadpool, says.

"It looks like an imposter has been impersonating Deadpool." Clint Eastwood will say, I imagine he can have a cameo.

"Impersonating, of course not the real thing, I'm the real Deadpool, the Deadpool we have been observing isn't cannon, cause I am. So there."

"Definitely Bub." Clint Eastwood says again.

"I can confirm that fact." Rorschach confirms.

_This seen provides exposition over pivotal facts. Than we can have one of those cool opening montages._

1. Deadpool as a baby, still in Deadpool costume killing baby Hitler.

2. Deadpool as teenager playing a guitar next to Bono, he than steals his glasses and wears them.

3. JFK driving the car he was shot in. Deadpool appears from the grassy Knowles. He blows up the real assassin. JFK and Deadpool hi five.

4. Deadpool and JFK team up with Al Capone and destroy the Berlin Wall.

_Note: For historical accuracy these events should happen in that order. Wouldn't want to seem silly._

During this scene we can reveal the names of people involved in the production. The name Wade Wilson should be put in there as much as possible; he's a close personal friend of mine, a slightly awesome friend of mine. For the role of Deadpool, credit Ben Croshaw and Jonny Depp. Mention special thanks to Logan and Robert Pattison. Oh! And play Times they are a Changing for the credits. Watchmen did it and that was awesome. Seriously Rorschach +Silk Spectra 4 LIFE!!! 3 3 3

**_Anyway, for these scenes I demand a budget of 200 million and to be directed by Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg_**

**_More will be posted when Deadpool has finished writing._**


	2. Chapter 2: Deadpool with a Vengeance

**Deadpool: The Movie, by Deadpool: Part 2, **

**Dedicated to the memory of the integrity of the X-Men franchise, 4 films, and we've finally just given up and decided to reboot Deadpool one movie in.**

_Note: Obviously taking week long pauses in the middle of a movie are impractical, so if the audience is annoyed than stab them in the foot, that or have a big montage of LOL Cats. That always cheers me up, it's also where I steal lots of humour._

**_The Skull shaped fortress on a volcano island with a thunderstorm over a head, subtitles should explain these are the bad guys. Also dudes on jet packs should fly by every now and again shooting ray guns at nothing particular. And I want an ice cream, get it to me now Gambit. Sorry, that was directed at Gambit, ever since that Wolverine movie I've been having the worst problems speaking_**

A random dude should walk down a really long and scary corridor, I don't know how it'll be scary, but just trust me, it'll be really scary and stuff. There he bows on his knees beofre the leader of the super evil fortress, Osama Bin Laden.

He is dressed in a ming the merciless costume and strokes his long elegant beard. Incidentally Osama's agent on the line, we need to talk prices.

"Have we discovered the location of Weapon X storage facility?" Osama asks.

"Yes, it is in Canada. What do you plan to do when you get there?"

"I plan to give myself Super powers, and with it. Take over the world."

However, little do they know that Deadpool's pet Kangaroo has been listening in on this. Activating his jet pack he begins to fky away, taunting the villains with his jive talking street slang and rapping. Incidentally I imagine he'll be portrayed by Eddie Murphy, kangaroo's have American accents right.

**_Meanwhile in Australia..._**

Deadpool and Crocodile are hunting the famed shark with legs. As they advance forward, suddenly it springs out of the water and rushes them. It draws a knife.

"That's not a knife. This is a knife." Dundee says as he draws an even bigger knife.

"And his is a machine gun."

Epic fight ensues. It ends with Deadpool putting the Shark in a head lock and demanding its lunch money. He uses it to put money in near by Duke Box and do the patented Deadpool dance, which accompanies the Deadpool theme song:

_#Who do we know, who should get the job#_

_#Who is the Merc, who has got a big gob#_

_#Is it Deadpool? Why yes it's Deadpool#_

_#Whoose got a teleporter, whoose got a song?#_

_#Who once stabbed Wolverine right in the lung#_

_#Was it Deadpool Yes it was Deadpool# _

_#Worth noting he almost killed Logan, yeah almost killed him#_

_#That's how awesome he is, and he wrote this song to#_

_#Deadpool, Deadpool he's are man#_

_#If he can't do it, someone else can#_

_#But with less wit, except maybe for Spider Man#_

Than the Deadpool kangaroo arrives and explains in a wise cracking manner.

**_To be continued..._**


	3. Chapter 3: 2 Dead 2 Pool

**_Deadpool: The Movie: By Deadpool, sponsored by Deadpool flakes, embodying the taste of a Dead pool. If we keep using the word Deadpool, I assume it'll be awesome._**

_Note: Since the movie is apparently lacking plot, here at Deadpool Inc, we intend to take the Michael Bay approach of dealing with movies, and make up for story line with shameless, stupid, and slightly racist gimmicks. _

_All people who submitted reviews will therefore have cameo's in the plot. We don't know much about you, but we'll do are best with the amazing writing team we had, and, wait, darn it! They've ran off!?! Logan and Gambit! You told me you'd do some writing! You are off the Christmas party list, and I booked Zach Efron! Zach "We all secretly admit we love HSM" Efron!!! Darn, it, well, here's what Logan wrote before he chewed his arm off._

_**At Weapon X**_

"So anyway, I was watching this film called X-Men: Origins Wolverine, it was amazing, and it's out on DVD recently, for an amazing price. And what with Christmas coming up, it'd maybe be a great stocking filler." Generic Goon says.

"Wow that FREEDOM!!! THE ARMS OFF!!! IN YOUR FACE DEADPOOL!!!! I'M OUT OF HERE!!! THAT'S THE LAST TIME I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION TO A HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL PARTY!!!"

_Around this time Logan escaped. So, O.K, and back to Deadpool's script._

"And here we have the Mutant X project. With one simple injection the user will have mutant powers bestowed upon them. Osama, if you will."

An injection occurs. Suddenly Osama lights on fire. Flame powers. The grandest power of them all.

"Now lets go take down the White House."

**_Meanwhile with Deadpool..._**

"How will we get from Brazil to America in a few days?" The Deadpool kangaroo asks.

"This looks like a job for the Deadpool Giant Robotic Spider with net shooting action!" Deadpool declares.

The Deadpool Giant Robotic Spider with net shooting action arrises from the Nazca lines.

"To the White House!!!" Deadpool declares.

**_At the White House..._**

"So, Sacrcastic Lover 93. How are you doing." Writers Block 09 asks.

"Pretty good Writers Block 09. Being a White House Secret Servant is great." Sarcastic Lover 93 says.

Suddenly the elite Terrorist Ninja's emerge. They draw there laser swords and plasma shot guns. It's all very intense. Perhaps a queen song is playing in the background. Queen is intence right?

"We alway knew this day would come." Sarcastic Lover 93 says drawing duel portable bazooka's.

"Than it's a good job we're prepared." Writers Block 09 announces as he produces an atomic Chain-Saw from his rear holster.

An epic showdwon ensues, the bazooka fies and the ninja's dodge. They draw blades and begin an epic sword fight with the atomic Chain-Saw. An explosion occurs for no real reason. Suddenly the jet back troops emerge shooting their ray guns, backed up by flying monkies. The ray gun tears a part a piece of the White House. Inside Chellerbelle is typing.

"And they called me a fool for warning the world about the threat of flying monkies. NOW WHOOSE THE FOOL!?!?" Chellerbelle laughs.

She (Uh, that's a girls name right. Cause I was kind of planning on asking you out. Deadpool is a master of the ladies. Even with the facial deformity) produces a harpoon gun, she fires and the one of the monkey bursts into fireworks.

They're slowly becoming surrounded. They can't win the war. President Barack Obama emerges with a Freddy Krugeur glove and tries to fight them back. Maybe they're defeated.

But than Deadpool is here.

"You're too late. We have won Deadpool! You can not stop us." Osama decalres, his fists on fire.

"Oh really. Cause I know your secret. The secret tradition to all the world conquering plans. Under ancinet code: Any attempt to invade the world can be stopped, if challenged to a winner takes all basketball game!" Osama

"Curse your cunning Deadpool. But you're no match for my ninja army who studied Basketball as a major at the University of Harvard."

Deadpool is prepared. And his team is ready. His team.

**1) Deadpool. **

**2) Green Lantern. **

**3) Hannibal King for Blade: Trinity.**

**4) The Deadpool Kangaroo.**

**5) Ryan Reynolds**


	4. Chapter 4: Deadpool Unlimited

_**Deadpool: The Movie: By Deadpool**_

**_Note from Deadpool: Who plays Kangaroo Jack, he would be perfect for the role of the Deadpool Kangaroo, though I envisage him more back sassy, sort of like a cross between Jar Jar Binks and the twin robots from Trasnformers 2, I mean, everyone liked them, didn't they?_**

_If there is one thing that Sports TV shows have taught me, is that nobody likes to watch a sports game. Therefore throughout the following basketball montages we should pump in as many random cheer leader moments, witty old people talking about play backs, witty old people flirting with young blondes poiting at stuff during the game, adevrtisments for beer, and unicycle riding monkies who shoot streamers._

**Epic Basketball Montage**

Deadpool and Reynolds are storming down the court. Reynolds has the ball and is about to pass to Deadpool when suddenly an angry cat flys onto Reynolds face, shot from the gun of one of the ninja's. He roals on the floor screaming.

"My face. My beautiful, valuable face. Deadpool, save me!"

"Is he destroying your mouth?" Deadpool asks.

"Kind of!" Reynolds yells through the clawing fury.

"NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!!!"

**O O O O O O O O O O O O**

Deadpool is storming down court. A ninja defending impales him with a sword. Deadpool continues and steals the ball.

The remaining Ninja's form a defence. Deadpool tosses left to Reynolds. The Ninja's follow. However Deadpool has faked them, tossing a throwing ninja star thing. As Reynolds screams as his handis impaled by a throwing star before being dog pilled by crazy Ninja's, Deadpool uses it as a distraction to score.

**O O O O O O O O O O O O O**

The Green Lantern creates a green giant lawn mower and ploughs through the field. The Ninja's and Ryan Reynold are caught in the anarchy which gives the Deadpool Kangaroo the chance to storm the field and score a three pointer.

**O O O O O O O O O O O O O O**

"O.K guys, we're doing well. But we need to get more agressive."

"There trying to tripple team me on the right, I need more back up." Hanibal King says.

"Better yet, there focusing on the right, we focus left. Hanibal, you come right with us. Reynolds?"

"What." Reynolds says.

"You try and hold off the 3 killer ninja's going right. Kay."

"What?! I have no powers unlike you."

"So you wont be needed on the left. Glad you understand." Deadpool confirms.

**O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O**

Deadpool punches Ryan Reynolds for some reason.

**O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O**

In the final seconds of the game Deadpool pulls a backwards slam dunk while magic green lantern green fireworks go off.

The crowd goes wild. People are happy.

John Wayne starts shooting pistols in the air before punching Will Ferrel in the face.

"Ha! We won! We won! This is just..." Deadpool begins.

"Yo Deadpool. I'm very happy you and all. And I'm gonna let you finish. But I just wanna say that Batman had one of the best super hero movies in the world!" Kanye West announces suddenly.

Deadpool shoots Kanye in the foot. People laugh.

**O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O**

"Well. Looks like your plan is over." Deadpool laughs.

"Or is it just beginging?! This was all a distraction. While you've been doing this, we've injected the moon with the mutant X syrum which will destory whichever part of the world we want! And there is nothing you can do!!!"

"Oh really. You forget my greatest weapon." Deadpool declares, pushing a random button.

Suddenly, the Deadpool Giant Robot Spider with Web Shooting Action transforms into the Super Megazord Amazing Giant Robot with missle shooting action.

Deadpool has donned Sunglasses and a leather jacket.

"Lets ride!" He declares.


	5. Chapter 5: Deadpool vs Predator

**_Deadpool: The Movie: By Deadpool: The "It's getting harder to think of many new idea's" chapter!_**

**_Note: HAIKU'S ARE POEMS!!!_**

The, uh, Super Robot Megatron Blaster exploder robot Megatron Megazord thingy I said in the previous chapter.

"Hay, Logan, remember the first time we met." Deadpool asks.

"You mean when we met on that plane and you talked about your ex's wedding." Logan re-calls.

"No. That's all one big false memory, like that time they invented a cure for mutation or the creation of the Doom Patrol. Look it up kids." Deadpool yells.

"Than how did it go?"

"Like so...."

**Flashback! Flashback! Screens going hazy! That bloooooom noise it occurring. You know, sounds like it's on a harp or piano or something...**

"Now these swords. These are pretty awesome." Deadpool comments.

"Deadpool! Shut up!" Sabre-tooth yells.

"Rather than ignore you and act like I'm unaware of your existence and showcase bad acting. I'm going to respond to acknowledge your existence. Now perhaps you'll better appreciate my opinion if I phrase my love of my swords in the form of a poem." Deadpool explains.

"I really want to kill you." Sabretooth continues.

"See previous sentence about acknowledging your existence. Now anyway:"

_Ninjas are awesome_

_Fan boys obsess over them_

_I like to be loved_

"That was a poem?" Logan asks.

"It was a Haiku you culture-less swine! Go back to Canadia!" Deadpool yells.

**_Later on, at that big island..._**

"Wilson. You don't have to go do this!" Logan yells at the advancing foe.

"You're right. I have better things to do. Those Haiku's wont write themselves."

**_And Flash back over..._**

Back at that robot thingy I wrote earlier. They're still traveling.

"Well that was a totally relevant flash back." Logan says.

Suddenly a man with instant kill gun emerges. He's going to kill everyone. When Ryan Reynolds gets up and kicks his butt.

"Wow Reynolds. I might not have liked you as Deadpool, but aside from that your a perfectly good actor. This warrants a Haiku."

_The Proposals good_

_That is pretty impressive_

_For Rom-Com's anyway_

**_The Epicness will continue, and why don't you right your reviews as Haiku's as well._**


	6. Chapter 6: Deadpool Salvation

**_Deadpool: The Movie: By Deadpool_**

**_Note:_**

**_New Zealanders like to have sex with sheep! I noticed I have Australian readers, and couldn't find anywhere to make the joke. Also I have New Zealand readers, so, for fairness, Australians are all murderers and thieves, and not very good ones, they got caught and shipped off to Australia. _****_Actually that was harsh, so, to even up the playing fields, the British are a bunch of drunks, and the Americans have no idea what countries we were just talking about._**

**On the surface of the moon...**

The moon is a giant and desolate place, the cheese fields are going through very harsh times, the farmers look on, it'll be a harsh cheese season this year. In the distance, you can hear the clangers crying.

"We need to find the local leaders." Deadpool declares.

Deadpool approaches the natives and communicates with them. They point to the moon buggies, giant robotic slinkies that flip across the surface.

The inside is like an attractive sit-com apartment.

"Why is the planet going throughb such desolate times?" Deadpool asks.

"Men came here and started experimenting. Than the cheese started dying out. We think they are responcible." The Clanger explains.

"Osama and his ninja army. I am your saviour." Deadpool declares to an invisable camera.

**Meanwhile, on the other side of the moon...**

The terrorist Ninja's have formed an evil death beam. It is shaped like a giant rabid chipmunk.

The jet pack troops and flying monkies fill the sky, laughing manically! An army of ninja marches and surrounds the death beam as protection. They draw their lightsabre maces and activate their wrist watch circular saws. They make moves which vaguely resembles kung fu.

The camera zooms out to reveal there in the shape of a laughing skull.

"Once we inject the moon with weapon X syndrome, it'll develop mutant energy which we'll chanel into the death beam and destroy the planet!" Osama laughs.

**_Meanwhile Deadpool arrives at the palace of Moon City..._**

There before us is the king of the moon, Neil Armstrong, wearing a crown and cape. He glows with a blue energy. He has reached the level of a God. Buzz Aldron is the court jester.

"I need your help Neil!" Deadpool begs.

"Why would I save a world, I know longer have any steak in." Neil replies.

"Do it for me!" Deadpool begs.

**_To be continued..._**


	7. Deadpool and the Electric Boogaloo

**_Deadpool: The Movie: By Deadpool: The Finale_**

**_Note: What role did I play in the civil war? Seriously, I just showed up their and started shooting. I think people died. And Ant-Man was there too? Was he on my side?_**

Suddenly over the mountains, the king of the moon arises, a 72 foot Neil Armstrong, on fire with blue energy.

The ninja's do back flips and twirls. They make noise. Neil Armstrong wiggles his nose and everyone bursts into flames.

A few remain. Deadpool emerges with a flame thrower smoking a cigar and lets rip.

Basically this entire scene is an exact replication of that scene from the Watchmen.

**_At the base of Operations..._**

"Target Earth. Destroy them!!!" Osama Bin Laden yells.

"Not so fast." Deadpool asks.

"I have Diplomatic Immunity!" Osama begs.

Deadpool punches him.

"It's been revoked." Deadpool quips.

Deadpool shoots him in the arm with a harpoon.

"I think you've got the point." Deadpool quips.

Throws him into an electric generator.

"Shocking. Isn't it." Deadpool quips.

Jabs a lit ciggarrete onto his chest.

"Smoking. It'll kill you, you know." Deadpool quips.

Tosses him out into space.

"Looks like you're going to "suffocate" LOL." Deadpool quips again.

**_Meanwhile with the doomsday weapon..._**

It opens fire. Earth is doomed!

"We have to do something." Ryan Reynolds yells.

"I have a plan!"

The Deadpool Net Shooting Giant Robot Spider with Net Shooting Action and also the Deadpool super giant robot megazord super thingy whats-it transforms into the Deadpool giant mirror.

The mirror bounces back the beam.

The Moon blows up. Earth has been saved.

**_End Monologue:_**

**_My name is Deadpool. Some say I'm a killer. Other say I'm a psychopath. Most of those people are anti-Semitic though so we should ignore them. The fact is that I inspire people. They make demotivating poster about me. They right bad fan fiction about me. They do fan art. I inspire people. I'm not the hero they deserve. I'm not the hero they need. But I'm the hero they want. And in the end, isn't wanting it enough? The cake is a lie._**


	8. The End of the End

**_One of those intense after credit sequences! The credits have been rolling over some classic rock! Maybe shooting each other as they go down. Suddenly we cut to a scene..._**

Deadpool casually swaggers onto a sound stage.

"I have defeated the greatest evils on the Earth. But I fear I am not done."

Deadpool turns to the camera, jumps through the glass. Wait, he's gotten into a car. The sat nav has my address on it, but I'm acting under Deadpools orders? What is he doing?

"I'm afraid you have to die fan fictioneer! It turns out we're imagining the Wolverine prequel never happened."

Than why do I have to die. This script was your idea!

"Because you did it wrong. It was supposed to be two clones of Hitler that were being the villains. Now it just looks silly!"

_Subtle reference: Research Superman: At Earths end_

Deadpool draws a gun and opens fire. The lovable writer explodes it a fire of awesomeness, than how am I still writing.....

* * *

**The End**


End file.
